Do you see me?
What is it about us that desires to be seen?
I'm not talking about people noticing your physical being walking down the street, but to be really seen.
The part of us that is unseen to the naked eyes, the depths, the soul, the spirit, the heart of us.
It is true that you can be standing in a crowded room, surrounded by bodies, pressing up against your skin. Close enough to feel their breath, yet to feel alone. So very alone.
What satisfies that inner hunger?
What creates this need?
Can you hear me?
I guess this is why I have a desire to listen to others, I may fail at times, but I understand that need to get your heart out there. To be able to express your desires, your hopes, your dreams, your passions, your pains, in an environment of acceptance. To feel released to speak freely and honestly without being judged.
Do you identify with the cramping up of your chest when you start to talk to someone and see their blank reactions, or the condescending faces ready to pounce at your next given pause. This is not a good atmosphere to let your heart flow.
Agreed we are all different, I think this is why certain people form such close friendships. It is usually with the people you feel able to be yourself around.
Then there are those you avoid conversations with, because you have come to realise that no depth can be shared. You will skim the surface of your conversational skills and collect as much as you can to suffice a friendly chat, but you walk away feeling empty and a fraud.
My heart swells with passion, creativity, childish questioning, pains, screams, longings, desires, yet it often gets pushed back down to the depths of myself. A dark place in vain hope that it will not ache again for a while. Maybe it will lie low, long enough to allow me to carry on in life a little longer. Maybe not. Perhaps the cracks will start to show again soon? I believe this is part of the reason why I like to write, to document and pour out my heart onto a blank page. Sure enough, there's always plenty going on inside. As I view the outside world, through my childlike, timid eyes, I'm searching for someone who cares enough to see the ocean beneath.
There is one I have found, I often leave him till last, a failing of mine perhaps? Someone who sees everything beyond this fleshly suit I wear. He knows my heart, my longings & my fears better than I. For he fashioned me. Created me, loved me and breathed life into my lungs. A friend like no other. For him, I am truly thankful.